Lights, Camera, Action

I've decided to make a movie. A five minute one.

I am currently in the production phase of creating the Opening the Kimono book trailer. Several nights ago, I received the storyboard while dreaming, and yesterday I filmed the two live action shots (Shout-out to my tough-as-nails director, Jean, a.k.a. Sophia!). I now have to gather the still photos, choose the soundtrack, write the titles, and put the whole thing together in iMovie. Since I have made my YouTube videoblogs for the last year or so, making the movie isn't the daunting part.

It's putting my "fat" pictures in it.

In the film I will be providing a brief description of Kimono, showing personal pics that coordinate with each section. For example, in the "Love & Sex" section, there will be the wedding photo of Michael and me. In the "Raising Kids" section, a precious one of The Bean and me will be included. In the "Death" section, there will be a very touching picture (and the last one we took together) of Mom and me. And since I discuss my lifelong struggle with weight in the "My Body" section, I'm gonna use a pic where I am a porker.

If I can find one.

Unfortunately, during the height (or width) of my obesity -- when I tipped the scales at over a deuce -- I went on several rampages and ripped up any pictures that made me look like a house, which were most of them. Sadly, I have very few pictures of me growing up, because most of them got angrily destroyed in multiple fits of bubbling self-hatred. The scant snapshots that remain are of me when I am at a somewhat "normal" weight (like I am now), or slightly heavy (like I am now!). The real Dumbo pics are nowhere to be found.

Still, I have not given up hope. I am confident that there are a few cringe-worthy photos buried in a neglected photo album somewhere. I think Emma has one or two in her baby book. (Eeesh! Post-baby flab. That'll be pretty.)

I find it ironic that, after twenty-five years of artfully dodging the camera, I am now frantically trying to find those same photos that caused me so much pain. Not only am I trying to find them, but I am going to include them in my book trailer for all to see.

Yes, Virginia, I've come a long way, baby.

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For your consideration and/or comment:

What kind of reaction do you have when you see photographs of yourself?

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